Make a note of experiences

• Constantly find myself increasing marks or results by 1 - 2 points, when asked by others. Even if it doesn’t really matter
• Low self esteem as a Program Manager | Impacts of MeToo movement on TFI
• Two year cycle of partners - Priyam, Anjali and Anamta
• Isolation post Program Manager role
• Isolation at Chicago - Cutting off Maneesha, Preethika, distancing myself from others (Tanvi).
• Memory - A constant challenge for the past few years
• Relationship with money
• Role of Vedita in my life. Positive impact that it has had.
• Cutting off with school friends, not connected with college friends?
• Not keeping in touch with folks who are keeping in touch with me - Aditi, school kids etc.
• Molested by Math teacher in 2nd year + Molested in gurgaon in 6/7th grade

Why am I fearing judgement?

• When I feel judged, it triggers a suddenly feeling of fear and then inferiority.
• A version of that that I have been telling myself is that ‘I have fear of being misunderstood’
• The reason I’ve articulate for myself in the past is that, I’ve been going through cycles of being set with high expectations to perform without knowing how to meet those high expectation and then not meeting them.
• Digging a little deeper, there was an expectation that my intrinsic intellect should be good enough to meet through expectations. It didn’t happen. Not until now.
• But now, even if I meet those expectations, it doesn’t bring me out of that cycle.